I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He did a backflip because drugs
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