I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
