You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
