after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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