We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
