Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
