It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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