We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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