The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
