yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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