Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Sry I called you an 8
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
A+ Viking dick
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
