just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
