Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
