Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
