It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
