dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
