dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
