Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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