Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
