he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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