The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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