in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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