i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
