as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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