im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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