upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
