Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
