I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
