there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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