this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
