he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
