Ambien. No doubt about it.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
