First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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