why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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