why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Sorry about my life...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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