Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
