Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
