just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I am available for nakedness
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
