Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
