I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize
