I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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