youre lurking in front of me
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
