my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
