no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
