I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
