what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
