She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
my shit smells like andre
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
