"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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