The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
