ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
