Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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