you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
