I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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