Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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