Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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