remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize