My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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