woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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