okay pat passed out under dana's car
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
