If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
