new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
the liver wants what the liver wants
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
