couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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