You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Randomize
