She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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