How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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