FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
