why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
