Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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