Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
