Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
