chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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