why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
