someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
