when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
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I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
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He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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