I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
