The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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