The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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