She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
