i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
