The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
