Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
