We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
i've created a new STD.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
