i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just found a bag of teeth...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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