I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
