im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
