I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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