Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
