I think my fart just growled at me.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
